she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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