I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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