Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
