is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i think i just lost a toe
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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