4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have tasted many bathrooms
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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