i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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