Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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