He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
