Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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