He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
