margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
