you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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