Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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