By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
