Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
