We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
