Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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