I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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