Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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