Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
