i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
