Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
