pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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