is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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