The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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