In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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