the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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