Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
