Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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