And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
