You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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