i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
