I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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