she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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