the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
