Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
