I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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