I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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