you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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