Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
