Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
