Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
