Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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