My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You may now shotgun with the bride
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
