Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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