Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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