That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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