I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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