All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
