Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Two words: blizzard sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
