i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
