I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
zippers are such a cool invention
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did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.