Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"