I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die