Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."

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(403): The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention." http://tfl.nu/toh6

Replies (15) Good night (2460) Bad night (655)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean not really

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.

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(202): Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult. (1-202): I mean not really (202): Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible. http://tfl.nu/azl7

Replies (25) Good night (2834) Bad night (745)
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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy. http://tfl.nu/msnn

Replies (39) Good night (5497) Bad night (1515)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

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(919): I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011 http://tfl.nu/zxkw

Replies (53) Good night (5780) Bad night (1145)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

(973): View more from New Jersey

i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

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(973): can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters (973): i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet http://tfl.nu/povn

Replies (11) Good night (2415) Bad night (907)
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(518): View more from New York

I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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(518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s

Replies (13) Good night (8131) Bad night (1216)
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(912): View more from Georgia

There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.

(912): View more from Georgia

Do you need my fax number or something?

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(912): There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow. (912): Do you need my fax number or something? http://tfl.nu/ynqo

Replies (18) Good night (1540) Bad night (1178)
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(845): View more from New York

finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!

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(845): finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted! http://tfl.nu/7ysb

Replies (6) Good night (1760) Bad night (419)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.

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(678): I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding. http://tfl.nu/gais

Replies (6) Good night (1605) Bad night (489)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"

(864): View more from South Carolina

Olive Garden will never be the same.

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(803): She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH" (864): Olive Garden will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/o2p7

Replies (10) Good night (1824) Bad night (770)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.

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(248): I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body. http://tfl.nu/nnda

Replies (2) Good night (785) Bad night (283)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.

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(505): A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk. http://tfl.nu/nmzj

Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (415)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...

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(303): Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching... http://tfl.nu/8tua

Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (613)
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(845): View more from New York

I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.

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(845): I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops. http://tfl.nu/fks7

Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (198)
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(408): View more from California

YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU

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(408): YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU http://tfl.nu/x6d6

Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (342)

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