I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
