Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1606) Bad night (755)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  That text needs to switch to water.

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  (651): Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink (952): That text needs to switch to water. http://tfl.nu/83yo
  Replies (4) Good night (2273) Bad night (531)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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  (704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y
  Replies (11) Good night (624) Bad night (2785)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

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  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (34194) Bad night (1345)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.

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  (440): i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me. http://tfl.nu/ypbg
  Replies (38) Good night (619) Bad night (5631)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

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  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (9314) Bad night (890)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor

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  (906): he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor http://tfl.nu/agbs
  Replies (4) Good night (3028) Bad night (990)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?

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  (814): Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects? http://tfl.nu/389h
  Replies (35) Good night (2392) Bad night (908)
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  (949): View more from California

  he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"

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  (949): he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say" http://tfl.nu/b497
  Replies (7) Good night (2582) Bad night (1686)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.

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  (563): I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer. http://tfl.nu/sbgi
  Replies (3) Good night (2461) Bad night (921)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.

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  (407): Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition. http://tfl.nu/erlj
  Replies (3) Good night (1490) Bad night (619)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.

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  (276): your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/ity0
  Replies (7) Good night (1178) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes

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  (609): The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes http://tfl.nu/oauk
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.

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  (423): I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar. http://tfl.nu/yxk9
  Replies (15) Good night (2704) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.

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  (315): I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit. http://tfl.nu/fz3t
  Replies (3) Good night (727) Bad night (321)

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