Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
