I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
