haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
