Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
