i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
