Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
