I heard we made out
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
