So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
