Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got chris browned last night
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
