It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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