whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
