Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
