Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
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So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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