does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
