And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
