So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
