Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
