I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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