I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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