she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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