and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
