If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
