I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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