It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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