I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
