watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
