I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
