your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
