i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
