I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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